MondayBlues: Loneliness

If you’ve seen the movie Meet Joe Black, you might recall the poignant conversation between Joe Black and a dying woman. Joe, who personifies Death, admits to being lonely despite his eternal role. The woman, with a knowing smile, tells him, “Don’t be fooled, we’re lonely here too.”

Loneliness is not just about isolation; it's also the inadequacy of meaningful connections or unmet needs in your relationships and a disparity between your individual preference and the actual experience you receive from ‘hanging’ out with people. Quality over quantity.

In our youth, we are often surrounded by people—family, friends, classmates. Yet, even then, we might struggle with an internal battle to understand ourselves, feeling misunderstood and overwhelmed by social interactions. As you get older, the people who were a constant in your daily life start to drop, one by one, like flies.

You might be in university, where you attend lectures with a mixed group of students that you barely know. The few you have seen enough times to gather the courage to speak to already have part-time jobs they have to rush to right after school or go study for those finals that never end. Sometimes you get lucky and forge strong connections in this era of life.

You might be in the corporate world, where people maintain a facade of friendliness with colleagues, and after that Slack notification turns grey, everyone retreats back to their families, girlfriends, and preparations for the next Ironman. You dejectedly go back home to find your significant other has detached, and your old university friends no longer relate to you. They probably live many miles away, facing different problems and struggling to make friendships. The connections you once relied on become sparse, and new ones seem harder to forge.

Or you are old, and the few friends you had heartbreakingly fell off the face of the earth, one by one. Your kids and grandkids no longer want to spend time with you because you have become grumpy and a burden to them. The only company you have is your husband suffering from dementia who can barely recognize you half the time. The only real human interaction you get is when you are visiting the doctor for your quarterly health checkups.

The statistics are telling. In the United States, there are currently 62 million Americans aged 65 and older, accounting for 18% of the population. In 2022, 22.1% of Germany’s population was aged 65 and older. In Japan, 29% of the population is 65 and older.

These figures highlight a growing trend: an aging population increasingly experiencing loneliness. Many of us are on a path that could lead to the same sense of isolation unless we act now to foster stronger bonds.

We can’t solely rely on our children and significant others to fulfill all our social needs. Variety is essential, and building meaningful relationships requires effort, loyalty, kindness, and forgiveness. When you find people who reciprocate your energy and time, cherish and nurture those connections.

Happy Monday, and have a great week ahead.