SaturdayReflections:The Honest Truth

When I was younger, the adults and teachers around me often repeated the wise old adage from the Bible, "The truth will set you free." I never really internalized it or gave it much thought. Looking back now in my thirties, I realize it should have been something I embraced more deeply.

I lacked role models who were unafraid to express honesty. Instead, I often witnessed people I trusted connive and manipulate others for their own benefit. It seemed almost like a way of life. Those who didn't use lies for personal gain were often afraid to express the truth, as the culture prioritized collective harmony over individual honesty.

Growing up, I followed the same path. I lied a lot. Whether it was with my girlfriends, my Dad and the people close to me. It allowed me to avoid difficult conversations, evade accountability, and hide my insecurities from those whose respect and adoration I craved. These lies continued into my young adulthood, ranging from white lies to only telling the truth when it was beneficial to me.

A few years ago, during a candid talk with a close friend and a phase of self-improvement, I began to reflect on the nature of lies. I questioned why I lied, how people would react to brutal honesty, and how my relationships might evolve if I embraced the truth. How was I going to face the truth of my life?

Honesty is not easy; if it were, everyone would practice it. Despite my conscious decision to be truthful, I still fail in many ways. But it's a process. The most important realization I've had is that honesty without kindness is cruel, arrogant, and disconnecting. Conversely, kindness without honesty is manipulative, inauthentic, and equally disconnecting. These are the two extremes many of us find ourselves bouncing between.

One of the key lessons I’ve internalized and committed to is understanding that when we’re focused on our made-up stories, judgments, and projections, we can’t be truly present for the actual human before us. Saying “yes” when your inner truth is “no” sets the stage for deceit, leading to resentment from both parties.

What becomes possible when you can say “no” because it’s a genuine “no,” yet still love and honor the person before you? What happens when you can say “yes” because it’s a deep, authentic “yes,” not just a way to please or get something you think you need?

Finding a way to live honestly and kindly is a consistent indulgence that am taking very seriously. So i can be present, authentic, and connected with those around us.