Sunday Film Review:Argylle

AfricanBrew Rating: 3/10
Release Date: April 5, 2024
Platform: PrimeVideo/Apple Originals

I only get painfully analytical when I watch movies. Not to sound pedantic or, as my friends like to say, ANAL, but I have to call it like I see it. Argylle is a waste of talent and budget, underutilizing some pretty solid actors. If I could sum it up in one word, it would be lazy. But hey, let's add "absurd" for good measure.

Sam Rockwell does his best to save this sinking ship. He gives it his all, even if he's bailing out the Titanic with a teaspoon. Bryce Dallas Howard is there too, mostly to look pretty, but you can't blame her for a role that was doomed from the start. It's like they built a bridge to nowhere and then asked her to sell tickets.

Now, let me give you some context. Matthew Vaughn, the director, is the same guy who brought us the slick, stylish Kingsman franchise, including "The King's Man" (2021), "Kingsman: The Secret Service" (2014), and "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" (2017). He also gave us "Kick-Ass" (2010) and its sequel, along with "X-Men: First Class." This guy has a track record for creating action-packed, visually stunning films. So what went wrong here?

"Argylle" is so bad that you might find yourself scrolling through TikTok just to get a dopamine boost. The actors seem like they knew this was going to be a trainwreck, but the paycheck was enough to keep them interested and tied from jumping ship. Maybe I'm getting old and grumpy, maybe my six-year-old self would describe this as candy-colored, over the top, action packed fun mess. I mean, the action scenes are fun, but they have been cramped together to fill in the bad storyline line or lack thereof. They tried to distract us with fireworks while quietly hoping we'd ignore the complete absence of substance.

So there you have it. "Argylle" is a movie that somehow manages to be both lazy and over the top at the same time. If you're looking for a reason to regret subscribing to a streaming service, this might be it. Or maybe you have a better use for your Sunday afternoon. Like, I don't know, watching your neighbor from your balcony put on a masterclass in pretending his marriage isn't dead while he plays house with the maid.Sigh.